2.21.19 – My life was changed (again)…
5:50 AM- waking up my husband to 3 cycles of labor pains at 8 minutes each (in Mckinney)
6:02 AM - We are on our way to the hospital, including my 4 year- old- son in the
6:07 AM - Stopping for gas (I can’t believe I forgot again)
6:15 AM - Going on the toll way, making it shorter than what the GPS says
6:44 AM - Starting labor (at Medical City Dallas)
6:56 AM - She’s out! She’s here! She’s on me! My rainbow baby!
“She is sitting on one chick” they screamed, describing me as I entered the labor and delivery floor in a wheel chair. Meanwhile, I’m trying to put into use all the breathing exercises I know. In my head, almost facing the truth, yet still hoping they would give me an epidural because it’s painful enough. And then they’re putting a baby’s blanket on me before there’s even a baby in sight.
Thirty-nine weeks and five days I waited for my miracle… for my rainbow baby Elinor to be born. I carried her through everything, numerous tests and exams, check-ups every two weeks, shots every week and mostly a lot of inside work and prayer. Elinor, her Hebrew name, means “a beam of light”, and she is that, coming into our life a year and a half after a loss of twins, during a surprise stillbirth at twenty weeks while being on a vacation.
Carrying a rainbow pregnancy after a loss requires a variety of practices of mindful thinking and breathing. At some point during the pregnancy, I came across this sentence, “Different pregnancy=different outcome”. Every day, while driving, I used to say it to myself like a mantra and breath. I would ask my unborn baby to just “hold on”, just a little bit more.
Getting to go through the yogees yoga 4 kids children’s teacher training while being pregnant with this heavy weight on my heart helped me build confidence in my body again. I was making my body stronger so it could hold this pregnancy and not “fail” me once again. Besides the inside working, I don’t think I would have made it so far without the wonderful amazing outside work of my colleagues at yogees, both the trainees and teachers. I felt hugged, held and loved every weekend once a month, and I was sad when it ended.
I love it that everybody is a winner in the world of Yoga. Today, I played Chutes and Ladders with my son and it just so happened that I won, my 4- year- old, who just had a baby sister born recently, of course started crying and threw a fit, in my mind all I was thinking was on Yoga. I really wanted to just start and do some yoga… because there, he will be a champion (he really is- he remembers everything!), because it is as simple as that- there are no winners or losers in Yoga! Everybody wins! Needless to say, in our house, we practice calming breathing a lot! And no, not only for the kid.